Friday Snippets – Pearl Dust

FS02Here’s another snippet from my short story – Pearl Dust. This time it’s a piece of description. I’m going to be entering this into One More Day Anthology competition from J. Taylor Publishing. Wish me luck! πŸ™‚

~*~

The warm smell of fried eggs and cheese still lingered in the large kitchen. The kitchen appliances seemed fifty years out of date. The crooked, worn table seemed medieval and the slate floor tiles were always cold. Cracks in the plaster ran all along the walls and pans hung from hooks in the ceiling. Cara was still unused to living in such an old building. The stone walls were three feet deep in some places but they helped little to keep out the cold. Not a single door or window frame seemed to match in size and none were parallel to each other, the floors or ceiling. Upstairs every floor plank groaned and Cara was sure that some of them would soon give way.

Thanks for reading, comments are always welcome!

FS01

6 thoughts on “Friday Snippets – Pearl Dust

  • February 8, 2013 at 9:57 am
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    Sounds like a very creepy old place. The description is very vivid–it’s not somewhere I’d want to live, which helps drag me into Cara’s discomfort πŸ™‚
    Personally, I’d avoid using “seemed” twice in the first two sentences. Maybe in the first sentence you could say that the kitchen appliances ARE fifty years out of date? Just a thought!
    Good luck for the competition, I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you πŸ™‚

    Reply
    • February 8, 2013 at 9:58 am
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      Thanks very much clare! The description is basically like a real house where I stayed for a week to look after the cats while the owners went on holiday πŸ™‚ It was pretty creepy πŸ˜€

      Reply
  • February 8, 2013 at 6:29 pm
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    First of all, fingers crossed for you! Secondly, did you sleep at night in that house? Great description πŸ™‚

    Reply
  • February 12, 2013 at 1:20 pm
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    My only comment, Ruth, is that you are using the words ‘was’ and ‘seemed’ quite a lot. An author using ‘was’ is telling. The author should be showing when ever possible.

    Reply

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